Friday night cooking show at Your House

This misadventure in the kitchen is for you, Whitney and Tiffany!

This is a recipe from my favorite cooking show, Sam the Cooking Guy, that comes on Tucson's public channel on Saturday mornings. It's yummy and warm and gooey. We ate it for dinner last night, but now that I think about it, it would be a kick-ass brunch food. On the other hand, it is full of onions. You never have brunch if you don't have company, right? Onions=smelly=uncomfortable guests. You do what you think is right.

Kick-Ass Onion Pie
-8 oz red wine
-2 big red onions
-3 roma tomatoes (or 2 regular tomatoes, or a zillion cherry tomatoes)
-6 oz goat cheese with herbs. (I know last week's had goat cheese too. We're not fanatics, we had leftovers- gimme a break)
-1 deep pie shell (or be brave and make your own)
-olive oil

First step: Change into something fabulous.
Next, locate place in your kitchen where pretend audience is sitting. Mine usually sits across from the stove. Remember, you must be able to explain everything you're doing to the audience, so be sure they're sitting on your good side.
3. Obtain large wine glass. Pour 8 oz wine into glass. sip demurely. Being on TV is so hard.
4. Slice up onions into really thin rings. This takes a little while, so be sure to say witty things to the audience, or go ahead and take a commercial break.
5. Heat some olive oil in a big frying pan over medium high heat and add the onions. You're going to cook them until they're nice and soft and maybe a little browned. Add salt and pepper to your liking.
6. While those are cooking, slice up the tomatoes.
7. Sip wine
8. Advise audience on proper cutting techniques, being sure to show off any fancy knives or cutting boards. Remember, you're a professional. Speak hautily and use big words. Tell them how you learned to cook in France, etc...
9. Check on onions. Still not done? Flip them over a little so they all get cooked. I used tongs. Tong ta tong tong tong
10. Open goat cheese package. If you forgot to get the herb-y kind (like I did) then spice it up yourself. Wink at the audience while you expertly mix together your favorite combination of rosemary, sage, dill, thyme, whatever you like. Crumble it up with the cheese.
11. When onions are done, take them off the stove and get out the pie shell. Fill the pie shell with onions.
12. Layer the tomatoes on top.
13. Sprinkle the cheese over top.
14. Here's where you tell the audience that you'll cook the pie at 350 degrees until the top is bubbly and the sides are brown. Then, pull out a pie that you made earlier to show them how awesome you are.
15. Big sip of wine.
16. slice up the pie and serve.

January sucks

Januaries can be tricky. On the one hand, they are post-holidays-still-winter disappointing. A downward spin into the horrors of Arizona summer. On the other hand, they mean a new year, new beginning, fresh starts. I've chosen to make this January the latter. These have been cheering me up a whole lot


and I've been trying to spend more time out here.


So bring it on 2008. Everyone knows that even-numbered years are the most fun anyway.

Jerk Grown-up

I can clearly remember the way that adults who weren't my parents treated me when I a little kid. I hated it when I would talk to a grown-up and they would reply to my parents instead of to me. I hated it when they would talk to me in baby-talk or assume that all I could do was baby-talk. I remember the look on their faces when they couldn't understand me and how frustrated I felt. We spent a lot of time in our neighbors' gardens and sometimes would sit and chat with them. They'd ask us questions that we didn't care about and we'd tell them things that I'm sure made no sense. One neighbor in particular was always great about never making me feel like I was too little to talk to her. She took me seriously and never tried to make me be cute. I sort of keep it in mind when I talk to kids now. I try not to talk in a high pitched voice and I try not to use baby words for things (but am guilty of both).
This afternoon, I had my first experience with being a full-fledged jerk grown-up. The neighbor kids across the street are really young. I'm not sure how old they are, but they're too young to go to school. Their older brothers are very nice and often have to come into the backyard to retrieve balls and stuff (which terrifies them. Ha! Scary adult is fine with me. Mean adult is not.) Today, I was replanting a cactus into a bigger pot, when the kids came over and asked me what I was doing. Here's where the trouble began. I understood their question and I told them all about how my cactus was too big for the little pot and had to go into a bigger pot so it could grow better, etc. Unfortunately, they asked their question in Spanish and I answered in English. Most people in Tucson speak at least a little of both languages and seem to have a magic radar that tells them which language to use in a certain situation. These kids were so little though, they didn't speak English at all. I panicked and realized I would have to tell them what I was doing in Spanish. When you're nervous, you can barely speak at all, let alone in a language you last studied in high school. I sort of bumbled around a sentence or two and got blank stares from the kids. They pointed to my backyard and told me something about my fence and the people who live behind me but I couldn't understand them. Then I did it. I gave them a huge smile and said (in English) "Ok then, well I hope you guys have fun!" In a squeaky high voice and a stupid expression. Their faces were blank. My face became blank. They said something else. I nodded and smiled. It was over. I'm a jerk grown-up. They think I don't want to listen to them, and I think that Spanish in their cute little chipmunk voices is too hard for me to understand. Is this what happened when I was a kid? Were jerk grown-ups actually not speaking my language? I don't mean they didn't speak English, but did they just not speak four-year-old? Maybe my voice sounded like my neighbor kids' and was too high and fast to be understood in any language.
Anyway, from my new perspective as a jerk, I'm still going to try to talk to kids normally and without funny words or voices, but I am a little more sympathetic to all the jerks before me who just wanted to make friends with the little neighbors too.

Friday is for free recipes

I am married to the most fantastic cook ever. He makes miracles in the kitchen all the time. It's a wonder we don't both weigh 400 lbs. The only trouble is that he makes things up as he goes along, so there's no record of what he put in when the dish is a success (which it always is). We've tried lots of solutions to this, me tagging along behind him jotting things down, him writing down the recipe when he's done, etc. Mom even bought him a tiny tape recorder so he can talk about what he's making as he makes it. None of this has been very effective.
I have resolved in 2008 to try to keep track of some of his creations and to write them down as close as I can. Here's the first installment:
We had this on the 1st and it was unbelievable. You'll be bummed if you skip the dumplings.
We did our best with the amounts of ingredients. If it's not looking or smelling right at your house, go ahead and adjust.

Rob's New Year's Day Beef Stew
1-2 lbs Tri-tip or sirloin steak
6-ish strips thick bacon
4 medium potatoes
1 large onion
3-4 celery stalks
4-ish carrots
1.5 Quart beef stock
1/4 tsp cloves
2 bay leaves
Some paprika, marjoram, thyme, white pepper, parsley, black pepper (all dry)
dash of Worcestershire sauce

Cut bacon into 1/2" strips. Saute in thick-bottomed (hee hee) pot until brown, remove. In bacon grease over med. high heat, brown steak (cubed) until awesome-looking. Remove. As you're browning, sprinkle it with salt and pepper. In the same pan, saute onions (diced)until clear and yummy. Remove. Deglaze pan with 1/4 bottle (about a wine-glass full) of any red wine. Add bay leaves, stock, cloves, spices, worcestershire sauce, bring to a gentle boil. Add steak, bacon, onions, turn to low and simmer gently for 1 hour, stirring whenever you remember it. Add potatoes, carrots, celery, and some salt if necessary. Cook for 45 min, or until everything is soft and smells good. This sounds like a long time, but you will love the way it makes your house smell.

Dumplings
2 cups regular flour
1.5 tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/4 cup soft goat cheese
2 tsps each parsley, marjoram, thyme, black pepper
about 3 cups stock or water flavored with bouillon

Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Spoon into the boiling stock or water and cook about 6 minutes or until they float and seem done. Serve in stew.

Rob's note: The stew is too thick to cook the dumplings in, so that's why you've got to make them in stock or water.
Lizzie's note: The dumplings were crazy delicious. We baked the leftover batter in little wads on a cookie sheet the next day and ate those pseudo-biscuits in the leftover stew and it was even better than the dumplings.

Hope you like it!

Update:

I was soooo wrong. Jenny has pointed out that giant cupcakes are, of course, still the rage in 2008. This is an example she sent from www.surlatable.com. yum!

sculpey

I got a bunch of packages of sculpey for Christmas and I'm having so much fun with it. I've been making dollhouse food. First I made some tomatoes:


Then I made some eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Dollhouse people are best when they've had a good breakfast. They also like treats, so I made them some doughnuts too.


The pictures are a little weird, but it's hard to take close-up pictures of really tiny, shiny things. Anyway, I'll go find my (homeless) dollhouse people and ask them if they're hungry. They'd better be, they haven't eaten in about 15 years.

2008!

Happy New Year!

Did you get the memo? 2008 is officially the year of cake. 2007 was big for cupcakes, but this year, full cakes are back to claim their place in the dessert race.
No more wimpy tiny cakes. No more weird icing piled up really high. 2008 will be full of delicious cakes meant to be shared with others. And they will be pink.